Defeated Dating

8 May

This one goes out to all my beat down, bitter people out there. Can I get a whoop-whoop?? No? Ok then, how about we share some awkward eye contact, and then look away? There we go.

Anyhoo, I figured I’d vent to all the girls out there about Jewish dating. Ok. Why do you girls care about cliched gestures, like us opening up car doors for you? Do you think it shows anything significant about us? You could train a freakin monkey to do that. Do you think some horny putz of a guy can’t learn to do that? Are you just grasping at straws in the tiny shidduch dating window, or is that the thought that specifically turns you on? Ooh, this monkey is trainable!

Next: what is it about cursing that turns you off? I’m fucking starving, so sue me. If I’d have just been plain starving, I’d have said that. Why does this offend you for some reason?

And for Christ’s sake, why am I getting flack for caring how hot you are? Yes, I care. Just like you care about my money. Can we please just cut the crap? Look how I fix this lame Yeshiva pickup line situation by just scooping away some of the bullshit:

Slightly drunk guy peeking around the mechitza at wedding: “Do you come here often?…

Uh, I mean, nice wedding….

Do you know the Chosson or the Kallah?…..

Umm, I’m a CPA and I make 90,000 a year.”

Girl: “Your submissiveness has suddenly become intoxicating. Take me now.”

Mazal Tov!

Yeah, Yeah, now I’ll get a bunch of comments saying I’m totally wrong and misogynist. Whatever Zereshes, I give up. I’m ready to join the other team anyhow. 

(Originally posted on Frumsatire)


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