The President’s Pimpin New Rides

2 Jun

As the story of the Obama administration’s limousine expenditures hits the major news outlets, many are concerned that the President needs to be more conscious of his image in this economy. For example, Muamar Wellington of the BGAFN*, feels that the nearly doubling of the federal fleet from 238 limos in 2008 to 412 in 2010 sends a, “Message that the President is…disconnected from the… American people.”**

Not everyone agrees that this is the main problem, however. In a phone interview with Yeshivaforum, BSBN*** spokesperson Rasheed Jackson said that while he “understand(s) that current security needs may have risen,” he is, “disappointed with the president’s decision to use limousines to fill this (need).” Mr. Jackson continued, “And why Cadillacs? Isn’t there a less stereotypical car you can pimp out with lights and armor? I mean, damn, n—-, I bust my ass trying to present a good image. Can’t you help a brother out? I’m just kidding, don’t put that in your article.”

Meanwhile, Press Secretary Jay Carney tried to tackle the question of how hundreds of specific detailing instructions requested by the President were essential to national security. Asked about the President’s request to have all 174 new limos “have hydraulics precisely calibrated to enable them to bounce to the ‘ba-doom-doom’ in 50 cent’s In da club if necessary”, Carney responded, “Yes, that is part of our brand new…top-secret security protocol which I am not at liberty to discuss further.” He continued, “However, I have seen it tested with about 50 limousines coordinating in the exercise, and I can confirm that it is awesome. Oh guys, I probably shouldn’t say this, but if you like disco balls and hot tubs, you need to see what the President did with his secret cabin on the U.S.S. Nimitz. ”


*British Guys with Arabic First Names

**Statement modified to better support this article

***Black Sounding Black Names


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