And Now: The Unbearable Lightness Of Miniblinds

12 Jun

For some reason that I can’t wrap my head around, miniblinds are the default choice for window shades. 90% of people on this planet have these things on their windows. Honestly, I can’t think of a more useless product that’s been so widely adopted. The point of having shades is to keep the sun out. Miniblinds fail to do this. Why are they still being used?

The only product that comes close is the stormtrooper armor in Star Wars. Nothing is blocked by that plastic crappy armor either. Blasters, punches, rocks- you’re dead.

Miniblinds are so pointless that some stores are now calling them “sun-in shades”. That’s the same thing as marketing cotton umbrellas as “rain-in”. Something so stupid is screaming to be made into a Monty Python skit.

Hello sir, is this the Blind store?

“Yes it is.”

Good. My bedroom is incredibly light in the morning and I’m looking for something to block that out.

“Well, well, well, you’re in luck! Check out the latest technology in blinds: Sun-in Blinds.”

I’m sorry. This looks like a row of translucent slits of plastic tied together.

“Precisely! With with these babies on, sunlight will be cut by 5% at least!”

Five percent.

“At least!”

Um, couldn’t I have something else? Perhaps a dark sheet. Or a piece of wood. Do you sell any material that isn’t thin and white?

“Yes, yes we do. Manuel tells me that we will get the new “Giant magnifying glass” window shades in next week.”

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4 Responses to “And Now: The Unbearable Lightness Of Miniblinds”

  1. aFrankAngle June 9, 2012 at 2:07 pm #

    First-time visitor from Les. Sun-In blinds? Really? Oh wait … we have a few!

  2. nyparrot June 9, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

    I use those Sun-In blinds, they behave at my house, and block at least 15%… LOL

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