Did You Say Naked Chuppah’s?

4 Jul

I was eating by my aunt and uncle for shalosh seudos (read: shaloshudis) when my aunt’s friend brings up a wedding hall she likes.

“It’s a great deal. The food’s catered by ___, the hall’s very nice. The only problem is the Chuppah.”

“I know-“, my aunt starts to say.

The lady continues, “Right? It’s just… naked.”

I can’t help myself. Immediately, I say, “Naked? Wow, that is weird. Pretty cool though.”

The lady says, “No, ha, the flowers. There are no-“

I cut her off. “I want to go there. Do the grandparents walk down naked first? Then the Chosson, totally naked except for a black hat, davening up there.”

My uncle joins in. “And the Rosh Yeshiva.”

“Yeah,” I say, “He’s there.” I do the long beard gesture with my hand and start shucking. “And the Kallah’s mother is there. Standing next to the chosson. Naked fat lady, just crying.”

That seems to be the cutoff line. People are still chucking.

“Ok, does anyone have a Dvar Torah?”

You know, I used to be able to keep this stuff inside my own head.


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