How To Be Single And Happy

7 Jul

Sometimes I look at my married friends and start feeling bad that I’m single. Does that ever happen to you? Well, the best way I’ve found to get over that is to do what my mother told me a long time ago and count my blessings. Truthfully, that advice didn’t help me at all for a long, long time. Then I realized that what she  really meant was, “Find ways that you’re better than other people”. So without further ado, I present to you my list of things to feel better about:

-Disposable income. That’s right, you kid-laden fools. I have so much money, I need to dispose of some of it. Is that the Ipad 2? I think I’ll get it and dump this perfectly good ipad 1. Whoa, is that me out there? Cause it looks like I’m shmoozing out the window of my car while it’s still running. And what are all these extra 20’s doing clogging up my pocket? I think I’ll go burn them in front of the Yeshiva tuition board.

-Sleeping in. If I don’t feel like going to shul today, I won’t. Nobody’ll make me feel guilty, say mean things, or suddenly not be in mood (see also next).

-Porn. Yeah, you may be having sex with a real person you may or may not be in a loving relationship with, but I get to experience the great wide world of porn. Is plain old porn not exciting anymore? Let me try something with whips and leather. Ok, that was disturbing. What’s this Japanese cartoon thing that just popped up? Can that really go there?

The point I’m making is that you don’t have to judge yourself by other people’s benchmarks. You can make up your own, and judge other people by them.

Advertisements

2 Responses to “How To Be Single And Happy”

  1. Realist August 16, 2011 at 4:51 pm #

    Except for the money, what on earth makes you think skipping shul and porn disappears with marriage? You really think you’re going to shape up and grow up for the next 50 years of your life all because you got married?

    • itchemeyer August 16, 2011 at 4:55 pm #

      I think you’re missing the point here…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: