The Sleepy Towns Of Northeast PA

21 Jul

How Scranton looks in your mind.

An actual picture of Scranton.

Now, you all know I don’t like to shit on anybody- What? Name one time- Ok fine. FINE, I said! You can stop. Sheesh. Well, since you anyways think I find fault in everything, I won’t disappoint you. Are you happy now? Are you PLEASED WITH WHAT I’VE BECOME?!

Ehem. Excuse me. What’s with Pennsylvania? You drive through the countryside and it’s beautiful, with trees and mountains and pretzel factories all around you. Then you go into one of the cities, and it looks like someone ate an abandoned coal mining town and some downtown Passaic and vomited it all back up onto a hill. Did someone purposely design the towns to look like this?

“Mr. Jackson! So good of you to come out and see our lovely hillside hamlet. Let me hear your vision for the lovely City of Scranton, old chap.”

“Well sir, I know how you hate tourists.”

“Sure, sure.”

“And children.”

“Definitely.”

“Well feast your eyes on this. We build only on the steepest hills, with narrow streets out of a german fairy tale. The wooden houses have tiny lawns guarded by decrepit stones and iron spikes in front to tap into your deepest childhood fears. The atmosphere reeks of evil, the twisted trees darkening the skies and the crows cawing from somewhere far too close. The combination is sure to give even the most resilient visitor horrible nightmares. Mr. Alberts, nobody will visit this place twice. Of that, I can assure you. In fact, if there aren’t 3 ghost sightings within a year, I’ll refund the down payment.”

“Simply marvelous! Can you do Harrisburg as well?”

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4 Responses to “The Sleepy Towns Of Northeast PA”

  1. Greg Halpin July 22, 2011 at 2:10 pm #

    Take a look at some of these photos from Scranton:
    http://www.welcometoscranton.com/photos

  2. Gutman Braun July 27, 2011 at 12:40 pm #

    Gotta love it – reminds me of the old adage: “One man’s quaint is another man’s nightmare.”
    I grew up in a few small towns in New England (until I was 10 anyway), and I still get all misty eyed when i come upon a run down, decrepit, mill-town and the smell of fresh manure…

  3. Greg Halpin July 27, 2011 at 1:10 pm #

    Hah. Looking at the top photo again, I think that’s from the 500 block of Taylor Avenue.

  4. Greg Halpin July 27, 2011 at 1:10 pm #

    Gutman, yes, you’re right about that.

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