Creepy Elter Bochur

10 Aug

The creepy guy is not shown in dinner pictures.

It’s the summer, and I’m sure many of you are wondering whether you should switch Yeshivos now. All the other guys are going to Israel, maybe you should too. But hey, you like your Yeshiva now. You’ve been there a few years. It’s comfortable. You have your routine down pat. You know where to grab a mid-seder nap. You have a place to keep your fridge with your beer in it. You’re on good terms with the hanhalah, and the younger guys finally show you some respect.

This is when you need to look at Chaim Putzelsky and take serious stock of your life. Maybe he’s got a different name in your Yeshiva, but he’s definitely there. Chaim Putzelsky is the Creepy Eltereh Bochur.

Chaim may have put you on edge the first few months you were in Yeshiva, but he quickly became part of the furniture and you forgot about him. You really had nothing to do with him. He would just sit in the corner with his scraggly beard, yellowed white shirts, always learning weird seforim. Sometimes when you came closer, you could swear he was reading Hebrew novels in the Bais Medrash. Every once in a while he got your attention by doing something a little crazy, like yelling at the cook for not serving meatballs on Tuesday, or a visitor for touching his personal Rambam.

But other than that he was quiet. Sure, he threw off a million warning signs about him being pedophilic, but that was harmless too. He might make creepily hungry faces around the ninth graders, but he’d never jeopardize his spot in the Yeshiva by actually doing anything.

Because most of all, Chaim Putzelsky feared change. Really, he might have started out just like you. Did you ever think that he might have excelled in the intellectual, non-threatening environment, and just never wanted to take the next step? He might even have justified it by making wise comparisons to birds in hands and so forth.

So before you make your decision, take a hard look at Chaim, and ask yourself if you’re positive that he always was a pedophile. I hope you have a good zman.

(Cross-posted on Frumsatire)


2 Responses to “Creepy Elter Bochur”

  1. Gutman Braun August 10, 2011 at 10:53 am #

    That is scary.
    I knew you did humor here, but horror as well?!

    • itchemeyer August 10, 2011 at 8:11 pm #

      🙂 It’s full-service here at yeshivaforum.

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