Old Age Homes In The Future

21 Aug

I was doing some wiring in a nursing home the other day and there was this very sick old man lying there. As I passed him, he asked me what channel he could get the baseball game on. I ignored him, of course, but it got me thinking. (Joke people, joke!) What are nursing homes going to look like when we’re old?

I picture myself in the room, hooked up to dialysis playing Call Of Duty XXVII online, cursing out 5th graders. My family comes to visit me and my grandson says, “Zaide, you missed that guy in the corner.” That’s when I lose it.

“Who the hell do you think you are? All you kids today with your brains hooked up to the Dream pods playing your ass-hat immersive role-playing games! Sharon, what the hell you giving this boy? Probably plays Blow Job Killers 3, don’t he?”

“No, Daddy, of course he doesn’t”.

“Yeah…My ass…That’s what he tells you. Well, boy, lemme tell you- in my day, you needed skill! You had to move the controls perfectly with your fingers! Now you just sit there like a boob. Your thumbs getting no exercise at all. Ah, get me my flask, Sharon, and put on some Eminem. I need to sleep.”

“But you’re on dialysis, Daddy.”

“Pour it into the IV bag. There’s a good girl.”

Wow, I think I’m going to like being crotchety very much. Assuming there’s still social security. Or America.

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3 Responses to “Old Age Homes In The Future”

  1. Gutman Braun August 22, 2011 at 11:41 am #

    Ouch

  2. bendkaye August 22, 2011 at 9:09 pm #

    The wincing pain I’m now feeling from imagining what’s happening to Itche’s future liver?

    Or the Blow Job Killers 3 hasn’t come out yet?

  3. CrossBullet December 30, 2013 at 10:08 am #

    Check this out too: Top 3 Most Anticipated Movies Of 2036!!

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