Life In Cameron Diaz’s Tower

24 Aug

In an interview with Maxim for their “Hot 100” edition, Cameron Diaz said marriage is dead. “I think we have to make our own rules. I don’t think we should live our lives in relationships based off of old traditions that don’t suit our world any longer.”

Well, Cameron, it’s nice to see you’re thinking about big concepts like this. What’s that, you have another bit of wisdom? “One should dry-hump as much as possible.” Hmm, okay, thanks for that. What I was going to say was- if you don’t mind, I’d like to do a thought experiment with you. No, you can take off the goggles. All we’re going to do is lie back and think. Ok, imagine you weren’t born better looking than 99% of the other people in the world. I know it’s hard, just try. Got it? Ok, now pretend that you also don’t have more money than 99% of the world. Okay, so you’re just one of 6 billion other people, trying to do your best to survive, trying to get some food, sex, maybe even kids. Very little actual security. Hmm? You’re not following. *Sigh*. Ok, let’s try a different experiment. Take off your clothes…

The reason Cameron Diaz doesn’t understand why people are still getting married is the same reason college kids and professors and Cameron’s actor friends keep blaming Israel for the violence in the Middle East. They can’t relate. They can’t relate, sitting in their cozy ivory towers, to people begging for bread outside their walls. Let them eat cake, what’s the problem? How can you understand what it’s like to live in constant fear for your life when you’ve never had to worry if your family would be dead when you got home from work?

Don’t defend yourself, it’s morally wrong in Kant’s view. Don’t get married, you can always get companionship and sex whenever you want. Are these people fucking serious? God, it must be nice to live like King-baby at 35 years old.

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5 Responses to “Life In Cameron Diaz’s Tower”

  1. Gutman Braun August 24, 2011 at 9:15 am #

    Well said! Would you consider auditioning for the job of Rabbi at my Shul? I am convinced that you could give the post-Kriah drasha effectively, keep the audience’s attention, and give them a deep insight to take home to discuss at the seudah.

    • itchemeyer August 25, 2011 at 1:29 am #

      Seriously? First of all, thanks. But I dont think people want a Rabbi who is less certain than they are about their religion. Plus I’m not married. And I can’t pasken shaalos.
      I can speak though, and the show is 90% of the job.

      • Gutman Braun August 25, 2011 at 1:45 pm #

        Well, you’d certainly have my vote πŸ™‚

        • itchemeyer August 26, 2011 at 2:25 am #

          πŸ™‚ I appreciate that. Thanks.

  2. frum single female August 25, 2011 at 12:59 am #

    this is true.

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