Random Thoughts #8

18 Sep

~Glee is a very polarizing show. Some people hate it, other people are gay.

~Personally, I think Tosh.0 was a better choice of name than The Soup 2.0.

~I think that prayer is a lot like the lottery. There’s nothing wrong with buying a lottery ticket every day, because ‘Hey you never know’. But when you’re spending all you’ve got on lottery tickets, you might want to rethink your life.

~You can make yourself happy or miserable at any point of the day by thinking one of the following 2 things:

1. Someone right now is living in a tiny shack, starving, with flies circling them. What exactly are you driving yourself crazy worrying over? Go buy a bagel and lox sandwich right now and ess gezinteh heit.

2. Someone right now is having sex. Right now. While you’re busy heating up that soup in the microwave. And someone else is doing it with someone so hot, you’d pee your pants if they so much as looked at you.

~The oldest living animal ever recorded was a 400 yr old clam. What a gyp. Thats barely an animal, or alive. I was expecting to find at least a sea turtle, or hugh hefner or something. Stupid Snapple caps making me read those tiny words while driving.

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3 Responses to “Random Thoughts #8”

  1. Steve Schwartzman September 21, 2011 at 8:37 am #

    I guess you mean the oldest living animal. There are trees thousands of years old.

    • itchemeyer September 21, 2011 at 11:19 pm #

      Ooh. Thanks for catching that. It actually confuses the joke. I’m going to have a talk with my editor.

  2. Gutman Braun September 22, 2011 at 12:38 pm #

    LOL – I’m not sure why, but I seem to hear George Carlin’s voice in my head while I read this (which only makes it all that much funnier).

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