Random Thoughts for the New Year

3 Oct

If you can't laugh at yourself, you can always find someone else to laugh at.

-What is the one day of the year that shemoneh esrei is said 14 times?

The first day you start saying hamelech hakodosh.

-The Shadchan’s Hausfrau Institute of Technology has published the results of their 5771 survey and listed the top 3 things girls do to kill their chances of a 2nd date. Coming in at #1 this year is: Saying a Dvar Torah. This knocked last year’s #1 of Texting While Talking to 2nd place. Farting Loudly came in 3rd once again.

-Experience is the best teacher. Except for the pretty one in 5th grade who was always nice to you.

-The whole Aseres Yemei Teshuvah thing is really too much for me. You be extra good, refrain from doing your normal bad things, and then you ask for stuff. It’s way too similar to Santa Claus for me. Except Santa brings up warm feelings for me. Oh, and Santa always comes through with the goods.

-The Rabbi said we should rejoice with fear, so I did. I also had my cake and ate it too and spoke faster than the speed of sound. Though I still couldn’t let off a dry fart when I had diarrhea. That really has got to be the hardest thing in the world.
Yeah, you’re stayin at Moshav Leitzim now, beyotch. Hope you’re enjoying yourself.


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