Traveling While Jewish

11 Oct

I don’t know if they really tell converts things to dissuade the less committed, but I have some good ones. Forget about no sex before marriage and all that crap. Yes, those are big things. But it’s really the little things that get to you in the long run.

Like traveling. Imagine you’re staying in a hotel, and you go down for the complimentary breakfast. The whole place smells like waffles and sausage, which everyone else is eating, along with eggs and pancakes and fresh muffins. You get to have cheerios.

That afternoon, when your co-workers are eating at the full buffet provided free by the conference you’re both at, you get to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches stuffed into your laptop bag.

At night, when your friend suggests you both go out to Applebees, you politely decline so you can reheat a frozen dinner in the microwave.

On the 4 hour drive home the next day, you stop off at a rest stop where your friend gets to choose from a whole slew of hot food and ice cream stores. You can have peanuts, soda, and, if you find the right store, coffee.

A little while later, your friend pulls out a box of fried chicken he just bought and eats it in front of you. You politely open his door and throw him out onto the highway.

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10 Responses to “Traveling While Jewish”

  1. BrainRants October 11, 2011 at 8:07 am #

    Ok, man, I was married to a Jew for six years, my son is Jewish, and I’m fairly certain that fried chicken is fully kosher… breakfast sausage not so much, but eggs – WTF? Don’t you have to use eggs to make matzo balls?

    • itchemeyer October 11, 2011 at 3:47 pm #

      According to some sects, youre right. But to be fully kosher according to Orthodox Jewish law, the food has to actually make you complain. Peanuts, sawdust, a pile of hardened poop, all kosher. Chicken, eggs, steaming poop on a cold day, now youre pushing it.

      • BrainRants October 11, 2011 at 7:34 pm #

        Fried chicken has never made me complain. I don’t get it. Maybe that’s the point. What I’ve learned from this exchange is that my belief that I’d make a horrible Orthodox Jew (hell, orthodo-anything) is completely unshaken.

        I do admire your dedication to a belief you hold dear. I do this with military service, so in a way I do ‘get it.’

        • itchemeyer October 11, 2011 at 9:03 pm #

          I was actually joking about complaining being a requirement, its more of an indication youre doing it right 🙂 it has to to with proper slaughtering and cooking utensils, but i can see how its hard to distinguish the real nonsensical thing from the joke nonsensical thing.

          • BrainRants October 11, 2011 at 10:05 pm #

            Got it. Just so you know, my site is kosher because I humanely destroy the electrons I use.

            • itchemeyer October 11, 2011 at 11:25 pm #

              🙂

              • CV October 12, 2011 at 11:12 am #

                I loved this exchange, especially: “i can see how its hard to distinguish the real nonsensical thing from the joke nonsensical thing.”

              • BrainRants October 12, 2011 at 1:00 pm #

                My apologies for blogging while Goy.

  2. Gutman Braun October 18, 2011 at 6:20 pm #

    If you don’t think that it’s difficult to be a religious Jew, you obviously aren’t doing it right.
    🙂

    • itchemeyer October 19, 2011 at 9:41 am #

      Hey Gutman! Its nice to see you again.

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