Jblog Resurrector: Manishevitz on Urbandictionary

15 Jan

Where bad grapes go after they die.

I found this on Urbandictionary.com while searching for ‘Manischewitz’. (I know it isn’t technically a blog, but it was written by a Jewish guy a while back somewhere online, so I figured it counted.)

1. Manischewitz 64 up, 53 down

A kosher Jewish wine, produced by the fermentation of unfiltered Lake Erie water and the blood of Christian babies. Also grapes.Manufactured in Naples, NY, it was originally marketed to goyem as revenge for the Holocaust, but after realizing how bad it tasted, it was instead marketed to Jews for use in their dark and mysterious ceremonies such as the bar mitzvah and the summoning of shub niggurath.The taste is often described as “rubbing alcohol and drainage ditch water, that has been run over ten thousand grape-flavored condoms and filtered by seeping down through a mass grave full of french prostitutes that died of heavy-metal poisoning.”The immediate after effect of consumption is similar to that of being the victim of a hit-and-run by a rugby star riding a Vespa scooter, coupled with the mental image that you just got taken full-force in the ass and mouth by Grimace.

Oy vey! I just finished a whole 1.5L bottle of Manischewitz, and now I can’t feel my shtuppenshnitzel!
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6 Responses to “Jblog Resurrector: Manishevitz on Urbandictionary”

  1. El Guapo January 15, 2012 at 10:16 pm #

    That’s why I like Urban Dictionary – blunt but honest…

    • El Guapo January 15, 2012 at 10:17 pm #

      Also, I’m going to check out their entry on Schnapps, which I remember from Shabbat afternoon kiddush at the shul…

      • itchemeyer January 16, 2012 at 2:16 pm #

        🙂 They better have a good one for slivovitz. You ever drink that stuff? Every part of you is screaming, “Poison! Poison!” But you figure, eh, these alteh kakers have been drinking it for years. And then you die.

  2. Gutman Braun January 17, 2012 at 11:09 am #

    Ha!
    And after having spent a couple summers of my youth doing kashrus supervision at a couple wineries, I’m impressed — the description is fairly accurate (especially: drainage ditch water, that has been run over ten thousand grape-flavored condoms and filtered by seeping down through a mass grave full of french prostitutes that died of heavy-metal poisoning).
    Nicely done, if I man say so.
    🙂

  3. arturo ancona garcia lopez May 14, 2015 at 5:06 am #

    Hola, Creo Web que posiblemente podría ser navegador de internet problemas.
    Cada vez que miro tu blog en Safari, se ve bien, pero cuando en Internet Explorer, Tiene algunas cuestiones que
    se superponen. simplemente te dará cabezas rápidas para arriba!

    Aparte de eso, fantástica sitio!

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