I’m a Yeshiva Guy; Please Let Me Know If I’m Sexually Harassing You.

21 Jan

By: Anonymous Yeshiva Guy

I was at a coffee shop the other day, and the girl behind the counter was really cute. But I didn’t flirt with her, or ask her out; I just ogled her breasts while she made my coffee and rang up my order. I think her finger touched mine when she gave back the credit card. Either her finger or maybe it was the receipt.

Sometimes I wonder just how much of a socially awkward pervert the women I come in contact with think I am. Back when I was still trying to keep the halachos about looking at and dealing with women, this wasn’t really a problem. I would have averted my gaze, and certainly wouldn’t be trying to check out the girl at the next table while she sits there (I’ve got a really nice view right now, and if she’d just shift her legs a drop…). But now I’m looking, and don’t really know if I have the skills to do it without being a creep.

It could be I don’t really care either. I don’t care what that shiksa will think of me; I’m not going to ask her out anyway. All these women are off limits anyway, and are only good for looking at. Not that I would know what to say if I was willing to ask her out.

There’s also the issue that lack of exposure has made me a tad more sensitive to this than my classmates- although that is fading. When one classmate sat down across from me at a meet-and-greet with a V necked blouse that opened all the way to below her breasts- was I supposed to be looking anywhere else? (Rant: Then, that same classmate complained that at interviews the interviewer was checking her out. Well, what else did she expect? Is she dressing like that for any other reason? You’ll notice that mens shirts don’t show nearly as much chest- because nobody wants to see it, and nobody wants to show it.)

Really, I am not otherwise socially awkward- I just have no exposure to what is socially acceptable when dealing with girls in a sexual way. I’m always surprised by the casual comments my male friends in school will make to my female friends, about the sweater they’re wearing or that their hair looks nice today. (It IS creepy when the professor does it, right?). I’ve only complimented exactly 2 girls on their looks; after dating for a long time, and at least once only because it was what I was supposed to do. I don’t think I would be able to tell the difference between the type of compliment it would be ok to make to married woman and the type that would get you laid out by her husband. Or between flirting and a creepy advance.

I guess I should be thankful for my lack of ability; I really do want (and not want) to be frum, and there’s no telling what I’d be doing if I actually had the guts and the skill to flirt or ask a girl out. I really would like to marry a frum girl, and really do want her to be my first (and I’m sure we’ll figure it out just fine- I’m much smarter than all the teens who are figuring it out in the backseat of their car.)

So, if you ever find yourself doing business with me, or working with me, or going to school with me- try and let me know if I’m sexually harassing you. And maybe tell that girl over there I wouldn’t mind buying her coffee, and whatever else she wants to do after that.

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2 Responses to “I’m a Yeshiva Guy; Please Let Me Know If I’m Sexually Harassing You.”

  1. frum single female January 22, 2012 at 11:31 am #

    wow. well for one thing looking is one thing but don’t be so obvious about it. that becomes a little creepy. its usually best to at least pretend you are looking at a woman’s face when you are speaking to her no matter how distracted you are with her plunging neckline.

  2. Tinok ShenishBeth January 22, 2012 at 9:12 pm #

    You’re not sexually harassing someone unless they work for or with you. Sexual harassment is making someone’s job dependent on sexual favors or making their working conditions so hostile that they feel they must quit.

    Most women don’t mind compliments like, “Did you change your hair? It looks nice today.” Or, “That’s a good color on you – it brings out your eyes.” I don’t find either of those overtly sexual or even flirtatious. However, comments like “Baby, that skirt makes your ass look bangin’!” are over the line.

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