Sooo what’s been going on with you? (and other horrible questions).

14 Feb

You know you have no real life when, within 2 minutes of meeting a friend you haven’t talked to in months, someone pops the “So…what are you learning?” question. I caught myself before asking that question at my close friend’s vort and just gave him a hug. Then I edged out and walked purposefully towards the cake.

It’s weird. I guess other people must have cooler lives because they always ask me what I’ve been up to and I always have to pick out some non-event to make discussion out of. 

‘What’s been going on with you?’ 

“Same old, same old.”

‘Yeah.’

“Oh, I just went to ____. There’s a client there.”

‘Oh, how was that?’

“Ok. Nice weather… Interesting looking trees…Not very different from these trees.”

‘Yeah… We just went to ____’s wedding/bar mitzvah/barbecue.’

“Oh, I heard he/she was doing that. How was it?”

‘Good. Food was pretty good. We met Rabbi ____.’

“Oh…How’s he doing?”

This is about the time that I begin scouring my brain for anything to actually relate and connect over. My first impulse is to just say something I’ve been feeling- never a good idea. Impulse emotion conversations usually go:

*Uncomfortable silence*

“You know, whenever I’m at a party, I always feel like I’m a kid in a room full of adults.”

‘That’s weird, but thanks for sharing that giant blast of dysfunction. Uh, I just remembered I have to stand over there now. Bye.’

I like to stick to things instead of feelings. Something’s been going on in my life I can connect over. I’ve certainly been sad/happy over something. I wrote a good post on my blog! Nah, don’t want them to know about that. The conversation is getting sooo awkward now…Anything…I met a great girl a few weeks back! Noo. My mother probably doesn’t want to hear about that nice non-jewish girl at work I seriously considered going out with. I- wait, no, the point of that story is finding really weird porn. And that ends even more uncomfortably.

“Ok, I have to go take a dump which I’ve been holding onto since yesterday (no, not as interesting to them), uh, take care of something (check the phone! )  I…ooh..almost forgot. I’ll see you.”

‘Yeah, I’ll be here.’

“Awesome…so I’ll see you around…here…soon. K.”

And then I just have to avoid eye-contact for 3 more hours.

That’s why I’ve decided to invite this guy to all future simchos:

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5 Responses to “Sooo what’s been going on with you? (and other horrible questions).”

  1. tesyaa February 14, 2012 at 3:53 pm #

    I met a woman from my town at a simcha, and she asked me if I go to any shiurim… And I really had to stop myself from laughing out loud.

    I can’t blame her for asking, given my sheitel getup and all.

    • itchemeyer February 14, 2012 at 5:21 pm #

      🙂 Not sure, but that might have blown your cover Batman.

  2. Neal February 15, 2012 at 12:46 am #

    that pic is hilarious. (the guy looks like the neanderthal in the geico commercials)

    • itchemeyer February 15, 2012 at 6:28 pm #

      Yeah, that picture is pricless

      • itchemeyer February 15, 2012 at 6:30 pm #

        I meant priceless, but the other way is true too 🙂

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