Post-Yeshiva Movie List

24 May

This crap movie has a 7.8 rating on imdb. It is still crap.

I’ve wanted to do this one for a long time, but I keep putting it off. I think I don’t have the patience to do a full list. Basically, the idea is to list movies and TV shows to catch up on when you leave Yeshiva and stop caring about keeping your neshama so spic and span. (Hey, God gave it to you for a reason. If he wanted it to stay plain white, he would have kept it upstairs. He wants you to put some color on it before he locks it up in his soul-collection box. Don’t worry, he’ll thank you.)

Anyhow, when you leave Yeshiva and have nothing to do and not enough guilt built up yet to go open a sefer, you start looking for movies and shows. Well, at least that’s what I did. The first shows I tried were ones that I’d heard of in Yeshiva but could never really see, like Friends. The problem is the further you go from 10th grade, the deeper the watchability of Friends tanks.

I started looking online, but you can’t really tell by ratings because you get a bunch of cult favorites with high marks because of groupies (this includes the Oscar winner list- a real minefield). Or trailers that are cut to make the movie seem good (The Constant Gardener, )And you, not knowing any better, end up wasting your time on crap. Precious time that could have been spent watching Donnie Brasco, or Boiler Room, or even Whats Eating Gilbert Grape.

Some things you’ve heard of but think you’ve kind of seen already and didn’t like it. That can be a mistake too, because certain movies get better as you get older (Fight Club), and others you dismissed but never really watched because you were too busy fast forwarding to the jerk off points (The Sopranos). Now that you’re able to appreciate these shows because you’re more mature, and there’s much better porn free online, you need someone to guide you through the crapfield.

Unfortunately that’s not going to be me, as I think I mentioned before. Oh, but make sure you watch Blood Diamond. And The Pursuit of Happyness. And sci-fi Will Smith is always a safe bet. And the Batmans aren’t nearly as good as people say they are. And Airplane, Animal House, Monty Python, and The Godfather are basically the only good movies from the 70’s. Here’s a decent list, but still like 35% crap. Someone else help me out here please….


4 Responses to “Post-Yeshiva Movie List”

  1. eyekanspel May 29, 2012 at 4:27 am #

    This is a tough one because it’s so subjective. I’ll give you a couple of my favorites, and if you don’t like them (or you’ve seen them already because you’re soooo hip) you can go suck a dick.

    The Shawshank Redemption (classic)
    American Beauty (you’re a deep guy. This movie is amazing. I think you’ll like it)
    The Pianist (right up there with Schindler’s List. This is a MUST SEE.)
    It’s a Wonderful Life (I watched the whole thing and after it was over I didn’t remember that it was black and white)
    No Country for Old Men (great book, and great movie. One of the scariest villains I’ve ever seen)
    The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (brilliant)
    Once Upon a Time in the West (also brilliant)
    The Departed (superb, superb)
    Gran Torino (Cilnt Eastwood. Profound. Watch it.)
    Pulp Fiction (classic QT)
    To Kill a Mockingbird (a brilliant classic)
    American History X (amazing, amazing movie)
    Blow (I found parts of this really profound)
    The Help (It’s rated very highly, and I think it’s grossly underrated)
    A Clockwork Orange (VERY intense and sure to spoil your neshama, but this one has some really deep messages about good and evil and free will. A deep and disturbing movie)

    There are many more, but this is a good start. This took a little while, so please do respond. If not, you can go suck a dick πŸ˜‰

    • itchemeyer May 29, 2012 at 10:04 am #

      I think heshy fried posted your video on his facebook page. It works surprisingly well. Kudos.

      Ok, looks like you agree with me about this very important issue that was left out of the asifa. I think your opinion is just as valid as mine, being that you’re an ex-yeshiva guy too, but since I’ll need to suck a dick if I don’t give you my opinion, and I don’t particularly want to do that at the moment, I’ll give you a blow by blow (get it?? ah, shut up)

      The Shawshank Redemption- great movie, but it’s standard yeshiva fare, like the rock and air force one. You probably saw this at some guy’s house in high school.
      American Beauty – this falls into the “and others you dismissed but never really watched because you were too busy fast forwarding to the jerk off points” Maybe I should watch the whole thing
      The Pianist- People said this was good, but I hate holocaust movies
      It’s a Wonderful Life- I saw a little of this on tv and it looked good. I saw the whole A christmas carol (1999) tho and that was great too.
      No Country for Old Men -Really? The reviews said it was really slooow and 2.5 hours
      The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (brilliant)- agreed
      Once Upon a Time in the West- thx, gotta download this
      The Departed excellent till the end. Worst ending till Prison Break
      Gran Torino – great movie
      Pulp Fiction – watchable qt , I’m not a fan of his tho. Awesome Samuel L Jackson
      To Kill a Mockingbird- good, but dated. I dont have patience for old movies
      American History X- good even tho someone blew the ending for me before
      Blow – Yes! Excellent movie.
      The Help- I have no interest in seeing this
      A Clockwork Orange- No, that eye thing in the trailer is too fucked up. Not doing it.

      • eyekanspel May 29, 2012 at 2:22 pm #

        Nope, I watched these all on my own. Nothing at a guy’s house in high school…
        The Pianist is worth watching because it’s more than just a holocaust movie. But reading your opinions, it seems you’re more interested in action than cinema, so my favorite movies will not really line up with yours. You need to have patience for old movies. They really aren’t all that different from new movies, and sometimes they are even (*gasp*) better! Don’t be so quick to judge movies that you haven’t seen (The Help, A Clockwork Orange, etc…)
        Thanks for the blow by blow job. It felt really great πŸ˜‰

  2. eyekanspel May 29, 2012 at 4:29 am #

    Also, relating to the Asifa, I made the OFFICIAL internet ASSifa music video. Check it out and tell me what you think!

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