The Lord: Abraham, Part II

24 Mar

Image

Cut back to scene.

God: Seriously Gabriel, if you could just, you know, look at this objectively, you would really like him too. I know you.

Gabriel: No. You and Abraham chat. OK? Me and you smite.

God: Gabriel…

Gabriel: Uh, are we smiting now?

God: God. Fine. “Abraham.”

Abraham: Yes Lord?

God: I’m going to destroy sodom and gomorrah…. letting you know.

Abraham: What?

God: Yeah. No secrets. Relationship. For all time.

Abraham: No I mean-

God: Ltr? Communication is key. Trust me on that. 2400 years I’ve been here.

Abraham: No, I mean sodom and gomorrah.

God: Oh. What about? >Gabriel, get the heck in here right now!<

Abraham: How could you do that?

God: Yo that place is mad evil. Trust me. >Gabriel you’re missing it! You are seriously going to regret missing- oh there you are. Awesome.<

Abraham: I…I do, of course. But, and please excuse me, but are there 50 righteous men in the city to spare the city?

God: Wait I’ll check.

Gabriel: Oh my god…in sodom…

God: Right?

God: No Abraham. Sorry.

Gabriel: Ha ha!

Abraham: Wait! Lord, please.

Gabriel: Whoa. The balls on this guy.

God: I told you! Did I tell you? No, go sit in the back and mope. Dude I tell you you’ll like something, dude- you. will. like. it.

Abraham: Will you spare it for 30 righteous men?

God: Yes.

Abraham: …………….And-? Wait… no thirty men.

God: You got it.

Abraham: Ok…

Gabriel: No. Way.

Abraham: Please Lord…

Gabriel: Oh. My. God. I love this guy. Seriously? I love him.

Abraham: …would twenty work?

God: Yup.

Abraham: And…

God: Nope.

Abraham: Wow.

God: Yeah. E.Vil. I sent in my destroying angels-

Abraham: Wait! Please! Are there 10-

God: You didn’t let me finish. I was saying I sent them in and a mob just asked Lot to “Bring them out”-

Abraham: But, 10?

God: “-so we can rape them.”

Abraham: ……….”So we can rape them.”

God: Yeah.

Abraham: Shit.

God: I know. Good try though. I love you man. Keep up the good deeds and kindness. You rock.

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