Apparently there’s this new thing to do during the 3 weeks that’s funner than not taking a haircut and going up to the mountains for visiting day. It’s called Rainbow. I had no idea what this was until a frum pothead mentioned it to me on facebook, but basically its this weekend in Montana where you get to be a hippy and smoke up naked in the woods with other dirty or dirty-wannabe type people.
First off, ok, first off, both wtf? and yes. Second, how come we aren’t doing this already? When did it become not ok to hang out naked and get high? Ok, so no women allowed in the clubs because it’d just become a huge orgy. And halacha. (Women can make their own clubs if they want.) Anyhow, like I was saying, it was obviously normal at one point. You go into the JCC and its basically impossible to find a spot that hasn’t been taken up by naked old people. This is 90% what your grandparents go to any “center” for. The only enclosed building old Jews get together in and keep their pants on is shul. And if Russians went to shul, even that would be fair game. My God can you imagine? The kiddush? Right after davening, it’d be nudity and vodka and herring. Ughhh.
Ok you can’t bring a proof from Russians. Obviously, they have they’re own rules. They lived through the gulags and Siberia and, well, they’re just insane. And they have balls of steel. Very old and gross balls of steel. My point is it’s our right as human beings and Jews to get naked and high. Our great-grandparents didn’t suffer through a thousand years of cold sunless Polish winters- and the rest of the year, and the poritz, and rubles, and cossaks, and bringing the chicken to the shochet for shabbos through the mud, and cleaning the dirt floors for pesach, etc.- so we could sit in our clothes and be sober. If they could see us now in America with our barbecues, and not being pogrommed, and summer, and freedom, I’m sure they’d want us to be naked and drunk or high at least some of the time. Your Bubby is looking down, ok, probably not your Bubby. But your Zaideh definitely wants you to get stoned and eat barbecue naked this weekend.