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Shabbos Robes Are Sexy

2 Sep

Guest Post By: For Real

Say What- ? 

This story actually happened to me this past Friday night:

David: Hey, I’ve never seen anything like this before on you

For Real: This is what is commonly known as a Shabbos Robe

David: I know, I live in Brooklyn too…..but I’ve never seen YOU in one….(gazes in adoration)

For Real: You’ve seen me in ugly stuff before- sweatpants, my high school uniform-  what’s the big deal?

David: This thing is so girly! It’s like a real dress! And it unzips in the front for easy access! This is amazing!

For Real: (Bursts out laughing) Do you know how much virtual ink has been spilled about how UGLY these things are? How these robes symbolize the eventual breakdown of the female body from childbearing and how chicks stop dressing up for their guys?

David: You’re overthinking this. You look good in this and that’s all that counts!

For Real: (Still laughing) You grew up in a world where women can wear whatever they want and you like SHABBOS ROBES! Here I thought “Yeah, now I’ve known David long enough not to have to get dressed up” and you’re taking this AS getting dressed up! I’M DATING THE ONLY GUY IN THE WORLD WHO LIKES SHABBOS ROBES!!!! I WIN!!!! (Start doing victory dance on Ocean Parkway)

David: (Laughs at victory dance) Well I win because I’m dating a girl who likes wearing stuff I like

For Real: David, can I tell the world that there is one Jewish guy who likes Shabbos robes? There are these blogs where Jews whine about Jewish things like that and I want to prove that there is another view on Shabbos Robes.

David: Sure, we’re not using our real names, why not?

(Ed: This story makes me feel good. There’s something nice and comforting and all-around feel-good about it. Good luck For Real! Thanks for the story.)

The Virtues Of Staring At An Ass

15 Jun

Thanks to For Real for sending me this instant classic. Hopefully, it wont be taken down too soon:

Yeshiva Nights- female version

21 May

By: Frumgirl

 

Another shabbos stroll with this bitchy gang
Across the street you yeshiva guys hang
 
I bet we’d be friends, you’d think I was cool
But don’t tell the girls lest they think I’m a fool
 
You attempt a good shabbos as we pass and ignore
Or if feeing generous a good shabbos but not more
 
I think to myself that this can’t be right
But the girls don’t seem to mind and I’m not one to fight
 
In some parallel universe I’d be your friend
But along with these girls I have to pretend
 
Now you’re following us just a few feet behind
Following protocol, we all pretend to mind
 
“Omg they’re like obsessed, what is their deal”
But I know all you want is to talk to us for real
 
I secretly stick out my foot as if kicking you away
Knowing you’ll chop that it’s just for play
 
Mission accomplished you shout for an encore
My friends do not know of what you want more
(Of course I don’t out myself as the resident whore)
 
They don’t have to know, the secret’s for us
One day it’ll be different and we’ll talk without this fuss

 

(IMeyer: In case you don’t get the title, this was written by Frumgirl in response to my post here: http://www.unpious.com/2012/03/yeshiva-nights/)

 

Chumash Class

28 Mar

Not actual guy giving shiur. Way less Godfather.

Here’s the next segment in the chumash class email-posting experiment. If you didn’t read last week’s kickoff post, it’s like this: There’s a men’s chumash class at a secret location in Baltimore every week. My friend writes emails announcing them, and I post them here as free material and a little advertisement. Since he doesn’t want letter-bombs from strangers (that’s a friends-only perk), I’m leaving off the where, when, how, etc. If you’re interested in going to a fascinating, friendly, small parshah class, email nweisbord@gmail.com. Oh, and there’s fresh home-made cookies. Ok, without further ado, here’s the email you’ve been waiting so patiently for:

So, a whole lot going on these days. Much fodder for us talking heads, us would-be political pundits. Us late-night entertainers with our one-liners and flashing lights. Us world wide web bloggers and vloggers and tweeters (oh my). The Supreme Court is looking at the constitutionality (or lack thereof) of Obamacare, there’s a rather large hullabaloo over the tragic death of young Trayvon in Florida, a JetBlue pilot went bananas on a flight to Vegas (they say Vegas can do that to some people), Dennis Rodman was in court saying he’s broke and can’t pay child or ex-spousal support, megamillions jackpot is at over 300 million, and on and on it goes. Not to mention the news on the international front. There’s much to discuss.

But with all that’s going on – and I’m sure this is just passing most of you by, what with all the Passover rush and craziness – the one story that really stands out (to me, at least) is about a study that took place recently in Sydney, Australia. The study proves beyond a reasonable doubt that school homework offers very little benefit. The research actually shows that, in countries where they spend more time on homework, the achievement results are lower! I can’t speak for you all but I know I’m not alone when I take a deep breath, look at myself in the mirror, and then break into a slow-motion version of the Thriller dance steps. I do believe we won! It may have taken a while but we won! This maybe a bit too early for you all, but your kids will love it (if you caught that reference then give yourself an extra 25 bonus points).

And I think that’s the perfect segue into the chumash class, We know that homework is worthless, but we can all agree that class is essential and just keeps us going. So what are you waiting for? Get your rear end in gear and head over to Y—‘s house at (Classified Information) cus we’re on for the class! We’ll dive into topics like ‘Obamacare and the Supreme Court – Passover Style!’ and of course ‘MegaMillions: How a simple $300 million donation to chumash class can change your life for the better’ and maybe even ‘The Pope Goes to Cuba – What the heck can that mean to our Torah portion?’ (not sure if there will be enough time, that’s my only concern). So grab your partner, bring some hametz, and get down to Yehuda’s place and take a break from your Passover cleaning.

Ok, if you’re interested in checking it out, get the info from my friend at, once again, nweisbord@gmail.com

Best Comment On Crazy Shidduch Article

21 Mar

Since this crazy Jewish Press Yitta Halberstam article is all over the place now, I felt I was morally responsible to weigh in with my own take on the issue. Obviously, after much research, I found my opinion to be the most intelligent, sharpest one out there. Unfortunately, before I could post it, I found a better comment on Finkorswim and had to do something unthinkable, let another person talk:

—————–

Daniopp:

I think its time we all agree that looks matter. if there is no attraction, there will not be a real chance at a successful marriage.  That said, if we dont allow people to meet eachother then there is no point in having this discussion to begin with.

Furthermore, if we never allow boy and girls (and i say boys and girls because i am talking about when they are young) to be together in the same room, and see eachother, and the only image that boys have of girls, are the pictures they sneak a glance at in magazines or TV or movies, then what will they be attracted to? the girls who make it into movies, TV, and magazines.  And lets face it, not many girls, and not many jewish girls, will look like that.  So now we have created boys with an unrealistic expectation.

On the flip side, if girls dont hang out with or see boys, they are left to imagine based on what they are told is desirable (a guy who sets aside time to learn, but not only daf yomi, but like hours at a time; who never misses minyan; who is always there to help around the house with the kids; who is able to support a family (with a job or rich parents); who is home at night for dinner; etc… This guy does not exist. unrealistic expectations are created and fostered by both sides.

its time to scrap this model and return to the old successful model that our parents used:
1. meet lots of different people
2. date lots of different people
3. get rejected and reject others in person (not through an intermediary, this will serve to instill interpersonal skills and knock people off their pedestals)
4. date longer than they do on The Bachelor
5. Have a more normal and meaningful interaction with people based on who they are, not what a resume or third party says about them.

——————-

*Clap! clap! clap! clap!* Common sense is amazing.

Finding Science…Losing God.

2 Feb

BY: JohnTheSavage091

“Science without Religion is Lame, Religion without Science is Blind.”
–Albert Einstein.

I am going into the science field. Without sharing the unnecessary details, for the past few years I have been exposed to and absorbing ways and patterns of thinking that have drastically affected my outlook on the world around me. I can’t help it. Science is truly amazing. It could be learning about astronomy, the supposed extra dimensions of our universe and particle physics or heck, even yesterday for lunch I forgot the food halfway to my mouth as I sat struck by the amazingness of Planet Earth on HDTV (looooooooooooooooooooooove it!!) But jokes aside, there is a price to be paid for gaining this vantage point on life.

When you seek out the details of life’s inner working, you remove the mystery and magic that surrounds it. I can only compare it to a child’s trip through a haunted house. Send him through it without any prior knowledge and the boy will no doubt jump as the slightest shadow; see a terrifying monster where the darkness hides an amorphous blob of something vague. Yet take that same child in the daytime, equipped with a sufficient flashlight, explain to him every inch and corner and dark closet and instantly all the horror disappears.

I want a purpose in my life. Like old Al says, I want them both: Religion and Science. But how can I? When I look around us, I see that we’re just an infinitely miniscule, ultimately meaningless consequence of the universe. How can one see a God with a setting like that?

I’m a Yeshiva Guy; Please Let Me Know If I’m Sexually Harassing You.

21 Jan

By: Anonymous Yeshiva Guy

I was at a coffee shop the other day, and the girl behind the counter was really cute. But I didn’t flirt with her, or ask her out; I just ogled her breasts while she made my coffee and rang up my order. I think her finger touched mine when she gave back the credit card. Either her finger or maybe it was the receipt.

Sometimes I wonder just how much of a socially awkward pervert the women I come in contact with think I am. Back when I was still trying to keep the halachos about looking at and dealing with women, this wasn’t really a problem. I would have averted my gaze, and certainly wouldn’t be trying to check out the girl at the next table while she sits there (I’ve got a really nice view right now, and if she’d just shift her legs a drop…). But now I’m looking, and don’t really know if I have the skills to do it without being a creep.

It could be I don’t really care either. I don’t care what that shiksa will think of me; I’m not going to ask her out anyway. All these women are off limits anyway, and are only good for looking at. Not that I would know what to say if I was willing to ask her out.

There’s also the issue that lack of exposure has made me a tad more sensitive to this than my classmates- although that is fading. When one classmate sat down across from me at a meet-and-greet with a V necked blouse that opened all the way to below her breasts- was I supposed to be looking anywhere else? (Rant: Then, that same classmate complained that at interviews the interviewer was checking her out. Well, what else did she expect? Is she dressing like that for any other reason? You’ll notice that mens shirts don’t show nearly as much chest- because nobody wants to see it, and nobody wants to show it.)

Really, I am not otherwise socially awkward- I just have no exposure to what is socially acceptable when dealing with girls in a sexual way. I’m always surprised by the casual comments my male friends in school will make to my female friends, about the sweater they’re wearing or that their hair looks nice today. (It IS creepy when the professor does it, right?). I’ve only complimented exactly 2 girls on their looks; after dating for a long time, and at least once only because it was what I was supposed to do. I don’t think I would be able to tell the difference between the type of compliment it would be ok to make to married woman and the type that would get you laid out by her husband. Or between flirting and a creepy advance.

I guess I should be thankful for my lack of ability; I really do want (and not want) to be frum, and there’s no telling what I’d be doing if I actually had the guts and the skill to flirt or ask a girl out. I really would like to marry a frum girl, and really do want her to be my first (and I’m sure we’ll figure it out just fine- I’m much smarter than all the teens who are figuring it out in the backseat of their car.)

So, if you ever find yourself doing business with me, or working with me, or going to school with me- try and let me know if I’m sexually harassing you. And maybe tell that girl over there I wouldn’t mind buying her coffee, and whatever else she wants to do after that.