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Jblog Resurrector: Manishevitz on Urbandictionary

15 Jan

Where bad grapes go after they die.

I found this on Urbandictionary.com while searching for ‘Manischewitz’. (I know it isn’t technically a blog, but it was written by a Jewish guy a while back somewhere online, so I figured it counted.)

1. Manischewitz 64 up, 53 down

A kosher Jewish wine, produced by the fermentation of unfiltered Lake Erie water and the blood of Christian babies. Also grapes.Manufactured in Naples, NY, it was originally marketed to goyem as revenge for the Holocaust, but after realizing how bad it tasted, it was instead marketed to Jews for use in their dark and mysterious ceremonies such as the bar mitzvah and the summoning of shub niggurath.The taste is often described as “rubbing alcohol and drainage ditch water, that has been run over ten thousand grape-flavored condoms and filtered by seeping down through a mass grave full of french prostitutes that died of heavy-metal poisoning.”The immediate after effect of consumption is similar to that of being the victim of a hit-and-run by a rugby star riding a Vespa scooter, coupled with the mental image that you just got taken full-force in the ass and mouth by Grimace.

Oy vey! I just finished a whole 1.5L bottle of Manischewitz, and now I can’t feel my shtuppenshnitzel!

Jblog Resurrector: The Orthodoxy Test

20 Nov

Like so many of the things I find on blogs around the internet, I’m about 5 years behind the rest of the world on this one. It usually goes like this: I find a fierce discussion in the comments and write my own reply, only to realize that the last person to comment died 200 years ago (that’s c. 2005 in blog years).

Anyhow, I found this test off a now-defunct site called rebelwithacause, which I stumbled upon by clicking a hyperlinked comment on a recommended post on Dovbear from 2006 called why the j-blogosphere matters. And yes, a cat did eat a goat as well, smartass.

Here’s the test: The Orthodoxy Test

Anyhow, whoever wrote it has some great questions and answers that really make you think. It was weird though, because after carefully considering each question, I usually came to the conclusion “I don’t care”. That wasn’t one of the options, so I answered with the opinion I had the last time I cared about these issues. Not sure if that’s progress, or apathy, or what.

Here’s that link again TOT. To make this resurrection a little more interesting, I’m posting my results with a request, nay, command, that you all do the same. (Non-Orthodox YF fans might find it interesting to read the test Q&A, even if you probably won’t find your position listed there.)

Your Test Scores

Left Wing Modern Orthodox: 51%
Right Wing Modern Orthodox: 71%
Left Wing Yeshivish/Chareidi: 56%
Right Wing Yeshivish/Chareidi: 13%

The Orthodoxy Test
says that I’m Right Wing Modern O.

I’m not RWMO, but I think that’s just an aggregate of the four percentage categories. They don’t have Burnt-out Yeshivish.

JBlog Resurrector

14 Sep

I'm sorry.

There’s some great stuff out there on old defunct blogs. I’ve been saying for a while- mostly to myself- that someone who’s been active in the Jblogosphere since early on (I’m looking at you Baal Habos) should really make a collection of all the best posts so newcomers can read them. Maybe a few people can get together and bring up posts they generally agree are important/funny/historic etc, and post the results in one megablog.

Regardless of whether anything actually happens, I think I’m gonna start posting some of them here. (If you find anything you like, please send it in via email or comment.) Here’s a cute one from the now defunct MOChassid:

Like Father, Like Son

For the nine-plus years that I have been going to my shul one thing has been very constant. Every Shabbos afternoon, one of the old-timers sits directly across from the Rebbe during Seudah Shlishis and immediately falls asleep when the Rebbe starts to talk. Not sometimes. Not most times. Every week, mamash.

This week his son, who lives in Israel, came for Shabbos. His son sat next to his father during Seudah Shlishis. As soon as the Rebbe opened his mouth to speak, the two of them nodded out. A double-bobble-head-doll effect.

It was a beautiful thing.