Tag Archives: dating

My non-Shidduch Resume

14 Aug

Here’s what I am: I’m a good guy, real, intelligent, good-looking. Normal, with it, good sense of humor. Aged btwn 24 and 28. 5’8″. Pretty broad build. Have trust issues. Open and honest. Accepting, non-judgmental.

Here’s what I’m looking for: Jewish girl, (frum background a plus but optional), good person, real, nice looking, with it. Aged same or younger preferably.

Here’s what throws average girls off: My goals aren’t to have a bunch of kids and work my ass off to support us. At least at this stage in my life. I can’t deal with that responsibility and pressure. I want a boyfriend/girlfriend, committed relationship, whatever you want to call it. Marriage is nice with the right girl, after we establish a solid relationship.

In case you’re wondering, I’m being serious with all of this. I’m thinking I should probably make this piece more fun so it doesn’t look like a business proposal, but I really can’t see the point. If this is all working for you, email me at yeshivaforum@gmail.com If you want to swap pictures, find out more personal information, same email address. If you want references or whatever, I’ll give you whoever you want to talk to to check me out. If you’re friends with Heshy, he’ll vouch for me.

Again, folks, that’s yeshivaforum@gmail.com . I’m what you’ve been missing. Ladies only please.

If you’re married but know a friend that might be interested, hook us up. There’s a shidduch crisis out there, and I’m actually a normal man. And I will give you shadchanus money if you want.


Men Don’t Read Women’s Blogs

19 Jun

We all agree that women’s blogs are really boring, the only question is why. What was that? You’re saying not all women write like that? But you admit most of them do, right? Oh, you know, they either write about food in pornographic detail, or dating (same detail), or touchy-feely spirituality (same detail again, somehow).

Now, we can’t say that people write about things in their domain, and the most common things that women occupy their time with are dating and food, just like nerds talk about movies, and financial analysts talk about finance, and average Joes talk about sports. We can’t say that because that would be sexist and wrong. So let’s try to figure out the real answer.

How about women are more sensitive, so they talk about more spiritual…nah. Oh, women have more taste buds than men and see more colors…nah. You know what, screw it. It’s my blog and I’ll write what I want.

I think that, in general, women are still preoccupied with that sexist old idea of getting married, having kids, and being a mother. They don’t care about what the Yankees do and they’re not trying to show how funny they are. And as long as men still want feminine women, and enough women want to fill that role, then food, beauty, sex, and spirituality will be front and center. Just like as long as women want men to be masculine, and enough men want to fill that role, competitive sports, alcohol, entrepreneurship and killing will all be dominated by men.

Now that I’ve said my piece, here are some women’s blogs I enjoy:

http://datingtheory.blogspot.com/ (Sharp and funny frum dating advice)

http://spoonicus19.blogspot.com/ (Funny random blog)

http://thelastmuggle.com/ (Hilarious Harry Potter blog)

http://shomernegiah.blogspot.com/ (Depressing but smart Frum dating issues blog)

http://toohardtofindaurl.blogspot.com/ (Funny random blog)

Disney Dating

1 Jun

Read this post here: Disney Dating…

Defeated Dating

8 May

This one goes out to all my beat down, bitter people out there. Can I get a whoop-whoop?? No? Ok then, how about we share some awkward eye contact, and then look away? There we go.

Anyhoo, I figured I’d vent to all the girls out there about Jewish dating. Ok. Why do you girls care about cliched gestures, like us opening up car doors for you? Do you think it shows anything significant about us? You could train a freakin monkey to do that. Do you think some horny putz of a guy can’t learn to do that? Are you just grasping at straws in the tiny shidduch dating window, or is that the thought that specifically turns you on? Ooh, this monkey is trainable!

Next: what is it about cursing that turns you off? I’m fucking starving, so sue me. If I’d have just been plain starving, I’d have said that. Why does this offend you for some reason?

And for Christ’s sake, why am I getting flack for caring how hot you are? Yes, I care. Just like you care about my money. Can we please just cut the crap? Look how I fix this lame Yeshiva pickup line situation by just scooping away some of the bullshit:

Slightly drunk guy peeking around the mechitza at wedding: “Do you come here often?…

Uh, I mean, nice wedding….

Do you know the Chosson or the Kallah?…..

Umm, I’m a CPA and I make 90,000 a year.”

Girl: “Your submissiveness has suddenly become intoxicating. Take me now.”

Mazal Tov!

Yeah, Yeah, now I’ll get a bunch of comments saying I’m totally wrong and misogynist. Whatever Zereshes, I give up. I’m ready to join the other team anyhow. 

(Originally posted on Frumsatire)