Tag Archives: drinking

Purim…still the Reigning King of Holidays.

6 Mar

Purim is the one day a year that makes being yeshivish the rest of the time worth it. Ok, so we don’t have the warmth of chassidus or the normalcy of Modern Orthodoxy. We are stuck in a non-stop competition to out-Jew each other. But that’s what makes purim so awesome.

The pressure cooker is let up for one day where you get to party, dress up as whatever you want, drive around with your music blasting, dance in the street, give and take food from anyone you like, hand out money to anyone more unfortunate than you, drink until your frenemies turn back to just friends, and reconnect with the world.

I remember a halacha that says if you’re alone on purim, you do all the rituals by yourself. Read the megillah, give yourself a present, have a seudah (meal). That’s just horrible. Purim is about getting drunk enough to let your true self out in order to connect with other drunk people. There are no walls on purim; we’re all one. Man, I sound like a hippy chassid. But it’s true. People who waste their purim trying to score or burn themselves out giving shalach manos to a million people are missing everything.

Purim is the holiest day of the year. I really believe that. If you make the purim connection, you can live on those fumes the whole year. Every other holiday will tap into that connection and give you a little jolt, but it’s all dependent on you going deep inside to plug that cord into something real. All other holidays are between you and God. You have to make an effort to contemplate and meditate and think about it. Because of that, they’re all a little theoretical and removed. Purim is about the human element. You don’t need to think. Thinking just distances you from everyone. The megillah doesn’t mention God’s name once. Because that’s not the point of the story. That’s not how you survive a 2,000 year exile with your soul intact. You do so by getting plastered.


Lag B’omer Memories

20 May

I sent out some feelers for some good Lag Ba’omer stories and got these back:

By Benkaye:

Yesterday I went and saw System of a Down live in concert. About a month ago, I spent twenty minutes making sure the date of the concert didn’t clash with Shavuot or any other untimely Jewish holiday that would make my ticket unusable. Sure that there was nothing, I purchased the ticket feeling like a million bucks. Minutes after purchasing, I got one of those “count the omer emails” and I suddenly remembered the entire no live music thing. I have never in my life gone from feeling like an angel to feeling like a bucket of dog shit that quickly.

I went to the concert because I looked through every sefer and website around, avoided asking my rabbi, and determined HOW bad it was to go. Turns out, it isn’t so bad. You could write up a guide to sefira loopholes that are actually legit.
I like that Sefira loophole guide idea. Technically, that’s an Omer story, but it was good enough to let slide. Here’s Benkaye’s Lag Ba’omer story:
My school went to a small village in BC (I’m assuming British Columbia) for a Lag Ba’omer trip. We stayed there over night, completely trashed the main lobby of the hotel, and the staff woke up to forty guys sleeping on the floor and on couches of the lobby because the rooms they gave us were too cold.
Kick. Butt.

By Flatbushguy:
There was this small chassidish shul a few blocks from our Yeshiva that was known to have a fun party and easy booze. This news got around Brooklyn, because when we got there, there was the small shul with a few chassidim singing R’ Shimon Bar Yochai songs while dancing around a small bonfire, and a billion dropouts/regular modern orthodox teenagers from across Flatbush. They literally covered the entire street for about two blocks. (Scientists say dropouts can pick out one particle of free booze in a thousand shtiblach.) We roamed around the packs of guys, making eyes at the girls across some invisible boundary across the street, dancing, trying to hock our way into the shul to get some alcohol, when some of the dropouts started to disregard the invisible line. The chassidim were outraged and told everyone to go home, they were closing up shop. Nobody listened, and they started spraying everyone with a hose. I was just starting to talk to this girl when they started spraying and she left. Eventually, they gave up and went inside the shul and locked it. Meanwhile, one of our guys got pushed down by a tougher punk yeshiva kid, and we started to fake fight and threaten him. I don’t remember how we got the alcohol, but later we all got plastered.
Nice! Brings back warm memories.

By A friend of mine:
One year we went to Crown Heights because we heard the party was supposed to be good. When we got there, it was late and there was barely anyone around the fires. Some old Lubavitcher dudes were pouring out shots of vodka for a dollar each from some contraption hung around their necks. It was nothing special, sorry. I did hear a good story about the Rebbe from a Lubavitcher that night though. His father asked where he should invest his money or something. The Rebbe told him where, and the guy lost everything. They never tell you that one, right? We also went to a farbrengin near 770 but it sucked. Everyone was saying Divrei Torah in Yiddish and there was barely any alcohol.
Okay, kind of a downer. Have a great Lag Ba’omer! And if you have any more stories, send them in fast so I can put them up.

Drinking on Purim

8 May

(Originally posted on Frumsatire)

You might not know this, but the holiday of Purim is traditionally a good day for davening. This is because the salvation that came about only happened after the Jews got together and prayed.

Now, many people have come out against yeshiva bochurim drinking on Purim. These people are a modern reincarnation of Haman. They are trying to destroy the two most important Purim customs, drinking and prayer. As a former Yeshiva bochur, I know that being drunk on Purim is a purely spiritual experience. When else do you get such heartfelt prayers as these?

“Owowow. My head! Oh my God, I think I’m gonna die.”

“Lord, I’m in your hands. Please guide my car on the straight path. Let me not swerve left nor right from it. And deliver me not into the hands of that evil cop.”

“Hashem, make sure my Rebbe doesn’t see me peeing on his car.”

“If you let me just throw up now, I’ll do whatever you want. Seriously. I won’t jerk off for a week. Ow! Ok two weeks.”

So moving! It’s like witnessing a modern book of Tehillim in the making. May the mouths of the evil ones be silenced so that this holy custom shall never cease from Israel.