They say that it’s best to marry someone with similar values. I totally agree. Theoretically. Practically speaking though, women and men have the most dissimilar values of any two peoples on Earth. Is that too much 0f a generality? I don’t know for sure. Maybe I should limit this to the man I know best- me – and the women I know best – frum girls (even though I really don’t know a whole mass of frum females). Provisos accounted for, here is how an honest conversation of values would go for me:
Girl: Hey, have any values?
Girl: Like, what do you want out of this relationship?
Me: Uh, well, you see…
Girl: Ok, I’ll go first. I want to have a friend, a soul mate, someone I can trust with everything and feel comfortable with whatever I say or do.
Me: Definitely! That’s great. We’re totally compatible.
Girl: OK, now you go.
Me: Um, what do you mean? I need to talk more now?
Girl: Oh, come on, don’t be like that… OK, I see us married and living about an hour from my parents and you learn at night with a chavrusa, and the kids go to a Yeshiva that’s frum, but cares about English- you know, actually values college and working people. Maybe Far Rockaway. I want to go into massage therapy, I think it’s only a 2 year program, and in a couple of years we’ll buy a house, and maybe Chani or Rivky will be living nearby, and we can go on vacations together, like to Florida or Las Vegas! I mean, there’s kosher food there, but it’s a LOT of fun. Ok, so what do you see down the road?
Me: Us having sex….Um…A lot?
Girl: Okaay…But in 5 years?
Me: 5 years?…You’ll still be really hot then. Wow, we’ll probably be doing everything. 5 years? We’ll probably be watching pronos to find cool stuff to do.
Girl: Ok. I get it. And our kids? Do you think they should be in a more relaxed Yeshiva?
Me: Uh, yeah, kids? Whatever.
Girl: What do you mean? What about where we’ll live?
Me: I don’t care.
Girl: Near our family? Our friends? What shul will you go to? Will you be learning?
Me: I don’t care.
Girl: What do you mean you don’t care? You have to care. What do you think about? What do you want?
Me: I just told you. Like a second ago.
Girl: What if we don’t have kids? What if they go to public school? What if your family doesn’t like me, or mine don’t like you, or there’s a terrorist attack, or we win the lottery, or you get a different job and have to move? Will we move away from here?
Me: Uhh, whichever way we keep having sex…We’re, uh, we’re still good, right?…………Umm, any chance you wanna get started now?