In honor of our brave men and women fighting overseas, at 1:30 AM Sunday night, my close friend ran away from a fight. Luckily, I was on the phone with him at the time, so I was able to laugh my ass off at him.
It went down like this. He was outside of his Yeshiva talking to me, when this guy drives by, and out of the blue, honks at him and gives him the finger. WTF, right? So my friend (let’s call him Yossi), being a 20-something yeshiva guy, runs after the car as fast as he can to show him who’s boss. Unfortunately, the light turns red and the guy stops. Now Yossi is charging at him, and the guy, stopped, blows his horn at him again and waves him on. At this point, Yossi stops short and runs the other way. This is such awesome typical Yeshiva guy behavior, but the conversation that followed Yossi telling me what happened is pretty clutch too:
Yossi: I saw another guy in the car. I’m almost positive. Who stays put when someone charges at him?
Me: He was probably drinking with that other guy. It’s 1:30 AM and he’s cursing out the window. He’s drunk tough.
That’s right. Shoot. I always imagined myself not running away from a fight. Wait, this happened before. I ran away from a couple of guys once before.
And your wussiness was still a shock to you now? So don’t worry. Just don’t think about it and that combination of denial and tons of movies will build up your self-esteem again.
I can’t believe I just did that. Wait, I think my balls just receded into my body. Yeah, they’re gone.
Oh, come on. Everyone does that. So you’re not a man. Who is? The important thing is you tried. He just called your bluff. Just recognize you’re a wimp and work on your bullshit game better.
I’m not going to be able to exercise now.
You’re not gonna be able to get it up for a few days either.
We hung up a little bit later, and I joke/insult him through a text. He sends back (I’m copying directly from my phone):
-Y: I’m at a really precarious pt in my life right now, n ur making jokes?
-Y: Its night also. I’m much more brave in the sunlight, darkness saps my strength.
-Me: Ya sorry. It was very rude. girls are very sensitive.
For some reason, I’m laughing really hard, so I send him:
-Y: Don’t make fun, they’re receding as we speak.
-I found two little balls rolling down the street w little sticks and sacks over their shoulders. R they urs?
–NO! But can u pls mail them 2 my yeshiva
-Hey u know what, hes prob going home to some broken down house to be with his slutty girlfriend while ur in a big time yeshiva. Wait thats worse again for you! Hahahahaha!
-STFU! THERE WERE LIKE 6 GUYS IN THAT CAR AND SEVEN OF THEM WERE BLACK!
-U know im not gonna b able to go to sleep tonight. This is keeping me up laughing too hard at u
-Next time I’ll b there w u and we’ll get within 10 ft bfore we run like little girls
-Lol. Definitely. Maybe even seven feet.